Anger Psalms 91:14-16

Anger

Psalms 91:14-16 For the Lord says “Because she loves me I will rescue her: I will make her great because she trusts in my name.  When she calls on me I will answer; I will be with her in trouble and rescue her and honor her.  I will satisfy her with a full life and give her my salvation.

All I feel is anger.  What I thought were blessings from God are always taken away. Why? What am I doing wrong?  I have so many struggles in my life.  All my life I have been abandoned by the men in my life. Why can’t I have love?  No one has ever really stayed.  Why do men always walk away from me.  All I want is to be loved and cherished by someone for who I am.  I don’t want to hide who I am or become someone else. I just want to be  real.   Where do I go from here?  How do I ever trust again?

Abba, I want to be satisfied.  I want to feel your blessings.  I want to understand why your blessings come so hard for me. I have nowhere to turn but you.   I can’t feel your love.  I ask that right now and that you fill my heart to overflowing with your peace and love.  Fill my life with the good things that come from you.   Redeem what the enemy has stolen from my life.  In your precious hands, I place my life, amen.

Down and out? Psalms 143:7-8

Come quickly, Lord, and answer me,
    for my depression deepens.
Don’t turn away from me,
    or I will die. 
 Let me hear of your unfailing love each morning,
    for I am trusting you.
Show me where to walk,
    for I give myself to you.

Everywhere around me was dark, a kind of darkness that permeates everything. The kind you walk in.  Wade thru.  But no light is strong enough to penetrate it.  I can feel the hand of the Lord on me but I am so deep in the pit the light wont reach me.  My marriage is over, love is gone, I'm numb to just about everything.  I want help out of this darkness.I try to climb out, but something azlways knocks me back in. I lose my grip and fall.  Why couldn't the doctors fix me? The sorrow and the depression was so deep, soul deep, that only God could reach me.I'd poke up my head and have a few good days but I'd go back to my hole and my hurt and pain.  In my hole I fed my hurt and pain.
Until one daymany years being in the darkness, years of wanting out and nnot knowing what to do.  I trusted God to show me what to do, and I gave myself over to him.  I asked him what he wanted me to do.  He wanted me to give him my hurt and pain.  I didn't want to give Him my pain.  I had nursed it and fed it and taken care of it for the last seven years.  It was mine.  He sat there, patiently waiting.  Did I want to keep hurting?  Or did I want to see?I offered it up to His hands, and I saw something I couldn't see when I was curled around it.  It was chained to me.  But as I offered it up the locks broke,the chain fell away and I was free.  Light filtered into my pit.  The hurt was gone.  I saw the ladder.  I could get out now. I took a step towards them and suddenly I was on a mountaintop, sitting beside Jesus, my head on His shoulder. In a place of freedom and joy I hadn't known in many years.

Father, 
We wander and you seek us out.  We fall into a pit, and sit and let it get deeper and deeper and all along you sit beside it waiting to hear us the tiniest cry for help. Thank you for rescuing me, and for anyone reading this, answer their cry for help. lift them up out of the pit they find themselves in..
We love you Jesus,
Amen

Your Plans, Desires, and God Psalms 20:4

May he grant your heart’s desires
    and make all your plans succeed.  Psalms 20:4

What is your hearts desire?  God wants to give it to you. And He wants to make all your plans succeed. Again, all means A-L-L. Every.  Each one.  Our plans and our hearts desires.  But this verse tells me God wants both of them for me.  I'm all for that.  Are you?

God want ALL my plans to succeed?  Ok so that means my daily to do list should get done. And my book should be published by the first person I send it into when it is complete.  And i be a huge success. So my to do list needs to have writing time somewhere. And the best way to make my to do list succeed is to pray over it, and let God help me set the priorities for the day.  AND He wants to grant me my hearts desires? (which are not the same thing as plans) 
My plans far outweigh my hearts deires right now.  That has not always been the case in my life.  My only lhearts desire is for full reconcilliation with my oldest daughter with me and with God.  And success with my business and my book.

Lord,
Grant me my hearts desire: full reconciliation with meg.  Grant success to my business, and to my book.  Continue helping to find time to write my blogs, and the topics continue to flow.  This book is a book you have asked me to write, so I am leaving it all in your hands.

The Lord is with me Psalms 16:8

I know the Lord is always with me. I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me.  Psalms 16:8

Doesn't matter where you go, good or bad.  Jesus is with you.  Nothing can make him go away. Nothing you do can make him leave.  Therefore, nothing can shake you up enough to make him leave.  He is always there beside you.  Good times and bad, right living and wrong, good places and bad.

I can watch a G movie or an R movie and Jesus is going to watch it with me.  I can be sober me or I can be drunk and Jesus is going to be right beside me.  I can walk into a restaurant or a bar and Jesus is going to walk in with me. No matter what life I live Jesus is always with me whether I acknowledge him or not.  Yet, as I do acknowledge him I will not be shaken.  I can have an ideal life and He is right beside me.  I can have a challenging life, but I will not be shaken,  because he is right beside me. My child could die, but I will not be shaken. My spouse could die, but I will not be shaken.  I want an ideal life, of course, but Jesus doesn't promise that.  In fact, He says the opposite.  He promises that we will have trouble, but to take heart, for he has overcome the world. (John 16:33)  And no matter what trouble we face I WILL NOT BE SHAKEN.

Lord,
Please help me to remember when trials come you are right beside me. I wont be shaken no matter what as long as I keep fixed on you. And no matter where I am and what I am doing you are with me.  Be with me always, my Jesus.  I love you, Abba.
Amen

God doesn't lie Numbers 23:19

 
God is not a man, so he does not lie.
    He is not human, so he does not change his mind.
Has he ever spoken and failed to act?
    Has he ever promised and not carried it through?    Numbers 23:19

God doesn't lie so I can believe what he says in His word is truth. He doesn't change His mind so I can believe when He makes a promise He will follow through with it.  It may take years of waiting but it will happen. In the meantime I will wait for the Lord, I will be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord. (Psalms 27:14)  So when the bible say to delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart (Psalms 37:4) He will do it.  God is the ultimate authority on truth and He never changes His mind on the truth. Abraham waited 25 years for Gods promise to come.  But it did come.  He never lost faith. He never lost sight of the prommise God made to him.


Broken promises abound in my life.  Starting with my dad and going all the way through to each of my husbands.  So I have a hard time believing when anyone makes a promise.  And lies have been a constant part of each of my marriages too. So to hear that God is all and only truth is a foreign concept to me.  Because I don't know what to do when someone is consistantly truthful.  And to know God wont break His promises? What is that? Even my earthy father broke his promises to me. In fact, he still does. So I don't have a lot of examples of what kept promises look like. But I am willing to watch and learn.

Abba Father
I am willing to learn. I am willing to take you at your word that you don't lie and that you keep your promises.  Your word says to delight myself in you and you will give me the desires of my heart.  I don't know what my heart desires right now because you have so blessed my life these last few months. But you do. I do know, Lord, that I want complete reconcilliation with my daughter and my son.   And Lord, please protect my nieces and nephew while they are in their mom's custody.
Those are my hearts cries right now Lord. And I'll hang on to the promises you have given me.

In your precious holy name I pray,
Amen

I love the Lord Psalms 116:1-2

I love the Lord because he hears my voice
and my prayer for mercy
Because He bends down to listen
I will pray as long as I have breath! Psalms 116:1-2

One reason I love the Lord is because He hears us when we call out to Him.  But, of course, that is only one of many.  He hears my voice whatever I pray, but especially hears my cry for mercy. When circumstances overwhelm me and life is just to much I cry out for mercy and the Lord hears me.  And I can pray at all times and in all ways because God in heaven, God Almighty, God of Heavens Armies bends down and listens to ME. To little nothing me. Who is angry and belligerent sometimes.  Who is disobedient a lot of the times.  I'm finding out, who is more a love of pleasures than a lover of what is right.  But he still bends down and listens to what I say when I pray. Why? Why would He do that? Why would He listen to me? Wretched sinner that I am?
But since He does listen I will purify my heart, I will diligently seek out sin my life, I will strive to honor Him in all I do. I will strive to do what is right and love pleasure less.  I will intercede more and pray for me less.  I will cry out for mercy quicker so I don't struggle in my own muck and mire but let God deliver me.

Lord,
Deliver me from myself
Amen