Anger Psalms 91:14-16

Anger

Psalms 91:14-16 For the Lord says “Because she loves me I will rescue her: I will make her great because she trusts in my name.  When she calls on me I will answer; I will be with her in trouble and rescue her and honor her.  I will satisfy her with a full life and give her my salvation.

All I feel is anger.  What I thought were blessings from God are always taken away. Why? What am I doing wrong?  I have so many struggles in my life.  All my life I have been abandoned by the men in my life. Why can’t I have love?  No one has ever really stayed.  Why do men always walk away from me.  All I want is to be loved and cherished by someone for who I am.  I don’t want to hide who I am or become someone else. I just want to be  real.   Where do I go from here?  How do I ever trust again?

Abba, I want to be satisfied.  I want to feel your blessings.  I want to understand why your blessings come so hard for me. I have nowhere to turn but you.   I can’t feel your love.  I ask that right now and that you fill my heart to overflowing with your peace and love.  Fill my life with the good things that come from you.   Redeem what the enemy has stolen from my life.  In your precious hands, I place my life, amen.

Thrown Away Hebrews 4:15

Thrown Away

Hebrews 4:15

This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same testings we do, yet he did not sin. 

Damaged goods.  I’m three times divorced now and that’s what I see.  Like a bruised melon no one wants.   How is anyone going to want me after three men have thrown me away? 

Is this how Jesus felt on the cross?  He was rejected and thrown away by everyone.  Even Peter, one of his most trusted disciples, denied even knowing him. But most hurtful had to be rejected by God, his father.  We think God rejected Him, how that must’ve hurt. But we must stop and think, his father rejected him, at the most painful point of his life. Yet he didn’t ask for all of it to stop.  He completed the path set before him.  His father welcomed him home  with open arms. Peter apologized, and some who had rejected him repented and accepted Him.  Others didn’t.  Some never will.

So in the deepest point of our rejection, we can be sure Jesus knows and shares our pain and cries with us.  He had victory over rejection and so will we.

Jesus, you know what I’m feeling. That gut wrenching pain I feel when I think I’m going to be rejected again. Thank you for your comfort.  Thank you that I can come to you and you know what I am feeling. Please be with me and help me with my insecurities.  And for those reading this let them know they are not alone.  Amen

Faith like Diamond Heb 12:1-2

Faith like Diamonds
Hebrews 12:1-2
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. 2 We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Because of the joy awaiting him, had he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God’s throne

It was a simple gold cross with diamond like stones on it. The kids gotten it for me for Easter and I wore it proudly. Church was basically the same Easter service as always. This year videos of “The Passion” are shown on the screen with the heart stirring music. But this year I didn’t feel the life. I only felt the sorrow, encased as I was in my depression. My husband wanted to end our marriage. The love of my adult life was throwing me away, rejecting me, telling me that once again, I wasn’t good enough.
As Hebrews 12:1-2 was read I followed along in my bible. One phrase jumped out at me. So different from any other time in my life: He endured, because joy would be the reward, He endured. He endured and gave us eternal life.
If I could endure this trial, this time would become like one of the diamonds on my necklace. The tragedy I was facing, another divorce, my sorrow would be turned to joy. And my sorrow would be like diamonds on my cross

Daddy,
As we start this journey together, for the joy you set before us, for the diamonds on our cross, I pray for your guidance with every step.
Amen

Trials of Today 1st Peter 1:7

These trials will show that your faith is genuine.  It is being tested as fire tested as fire tests and purifies gold though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials it will bring you much praise and glory and honor when Jesus Christ is to the whole world..

My life is so stressed right now. I cry at the top of a hat. My mom had hip replacement surgery 6 weeks ago an I have been staying with her the last 2 weeks while my dad travels 4 days a week doing taxes.  I am taking care of my grandson full time who is 15 months, and I still have to take care of my own home and animals (2 cats, 2 dogs). My daughter, who has asbergers, is in the process of getting her license at 17. (not my grandsons mom) And then there is my own health, which is a fiery trial in itself. I have fibromyalgia, mostly centered in my hips and legs., CFS, migraines, and other minor things. But Peter says these things will show my faith is genuine, and I'll be purified as gold is tested and my faith is more precious than that gold.

Okay, I'll go with that. When I start to cry I'll take a deep breath and remind myself that this is just a test. And I will pass it.  My faith will be much stronger and Jesus will get the praise, honor, glory.

Jesus, give me the strength I need to get through today for today.  Help me to focus on today, not tomorrow , next week or next month. Just today. Also help me to count my blessings in all of this.
I love you,
Amen